


i guess thats why i like you

by nagare



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, a long monologue by kaoru, but i'm gay so i threw in the ship anyway, everything's very implied so... not much pda i suppose, it's more of a dig into my view of kaoru's character!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 16:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8335051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagare/pseuds/nagare
Summary: "Well, I’ve always liked the sea. It always seemed so wide and endless to me. An infinite realm of possibilities—I sometimes dream about drifting away on the current and running away from my responsibilities. A little immature, right? But I like those dreams—I feel so free."Kaoru starts a little impromptu heart-to-heart with his club president.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to try a format similar to that of how the substories work—a somewhat monologue, where anzu’s (or kanata’s in this case) responses are not shown, but rather implied in the text. sorry in advance if this is hard to read because of that

Ah, Souma-kyun, always shouting those horrible things about me…

I’m not a dirty womanizer, or anything like that! Well, I’m used to people not believing me. “Hakaze, stop messing around with girls!” I hear that a lot. And I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble over it before, but you know, I can’t really stand the thought of being hated unnecessarily either. I make it very clear with everyone I go out with! It’s a “date,” yes, but because of the nature of my job, I don’t have any choice but to accept everyone’s love equally—and everyone understands that. The last thing I want to do is break a girl’s heart, you know? I treat everyone fairly, I act as a perfect gentleman, and I never push anyone to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

I’d like to help out every girl out there, actually. I want to let them love me—to know what it’s like to have a man who would treat them kindly, who would have fun with them together. It’s kind of like…. I want to set the standard for them, for any future guys they might end up falling in love with. I’ll be sad that they won’t see me anymore, but I know they’ll be happy, then I can see them off gladly, even at their wedding! That kind of thing. So I always want to make time for girls~ to let them know that they’re important. Of course, I’ll seriously lose my place as an idol if I get out of control, but at this level it’s just fanservice—it fits nicely into my own agenda.

Aha, I know this sounds like a pipe dream, and some crappy excuse for slacking off…but it’s true! It really is true, the last thing I want is a girl falling for some sleazebag who would make her miserable for the rest of her life! So I thought—if I could do this, and let a girl have a good time, then she’ll know what she deserves.

I’m very sorry I can’t be the man in question for every single one of these girls, but if anything, I’m setting them on the right path… I think it’s a noble cause, really. Right?

Aha, I knew you’d understand! That’s exactly what I like about you. You’re a strange one really, and I’m always getting dragged along  by you into stuff I don’t really want to do… it’s a pain, but it’s not like I can hate you for it. Since in the end you’re nothing like the stuffy people who yell at me for this or that—stupid, inconsequential stuff, as if missing one practice is going to mess me up forever. Youth disappears quickly! So I’d like to spend my time doing what I like.

It might sound a little selfish, but you know what? My siblings gave up their chance to live their happy high school lives. So I’m going to live twice as much for their sakes. As their spoiled little brother, this is the best way I can pay them back.

…

Oops! A slip of the tongue there. Forget I said that just now. It’s not really like me to talk about depressing things~

If I keep doing this, I’ll lose my character as the refreshing breeze of UNDEAD. Hmm, that would be really bad. Without me, that unit would be a bunch of classless delinquents, with all their screaming and darkness nonsense. I don’t really get how girls think that’s so cool, but I guess I can play along with this unit a little longer~ They’re really quite bothersome, but just like you, I just—I can’t bring myself to dislike being around them.

Oh yeah, you’re friends with Sakuma-san, huh? It’s irritating how he acts like an old fart, but I have some respect for him. When he’s not lazing around, he’s pretty monstrous. That time our wild dog threw a tantrum and almost knocked a cabinet over on me, I thought I was going to die! Well, at least, until Sakuma-san stopped it with one arm, yawning as if he was just doing his morning stretches. Even Adonis-kun was impressed.

Hm~ I don’t really think he’s cool or anything, the way he spouts off nonsense. But UNDEAD’s fans eat that up, so I guess it’s fun to play along.

…Huh? You want me to say one of my lines?

Well… It’s easy saying it on stage, where all the girls are begging for it, but to you it’s kind of…

Sheesh, okay, fine! Don’t make that face at me—it makes me feel really weird, like I just kicked a baby animal or something.

Ahem… _Goodnight,_ my beautiful prey! You all look positively delicious, so you all better run fast before I catch you in my claws tonight~!

H-hey! Don’t grin like that, I told you it was going to be weird saying it to you! It’s much cooler on stage, and when everyone else is doing it. You know, Adonis-kun? The one you tried to recruit to our club? He doesn’t even say anything. He stands on stage and just grimaces. It’s tragic how uncomfortable he looks, but the fans _eat that up_. I don’t even get it honestly—do you?

Yeah, I thought so. I guess it’s a charm I’ll never understand but… I guess it’s better than doggy’s lines. Aha, sometimes I wonder if he even knows what fanservice is, all he does is scream and shout and be rude, but he still has fans somehow. It’s kind of irritating really, considering how hard I try to get girls to like me~

Eh? Girls like that type? You… you what? You used to be something like that? Ugh, that’s really weird to think about. I really do prefer you this way, I can’t stand people shouting at me to do things~ Having a club president so laid back like you is refreshing. So please don’t ever change.

Well, to be honest, Doggy’s more bark than bite. I guess I can accept that, if people like him because they know he’s really a softie deep down. I can’t understand people who genuinely fall for terrible people though. And I know it is UNDEAD’s image, but we really aren’t that bad of bad boys~

Ah… I’ve spoken too much. Hey, this isn’t very fair, you know? You can’t just sit there and nod while I talk my head off, and not say anything about yourself.

You’re feeling… bubble…? Your favourite sea animal is... Hey, are you dodging the question? Oh whatever, I guess I can’t really do anything about the way you are, huh, Kanata-kun?

Hmm… well, I don’t want to hear about creepy crawlies, and I’m tired of talking about myself, honestly. If you clam up, I guess we don’t have anything to speak about anymore. Let’s find a more refreshing topic, like…. ah, Anzu-chan~ She’s really something, working so hard for everyone… It makes me a bit jealous, to be honest. She’s so close with Trickstar, isn’t she. Yet she avoids me like the plague! So unfair…

Hm? She doesn’t speak much around you either? Well, that’s because you’re really strange, and she’s a normal girl~ Of course she wouldn’t be used to your idea of conversation topics. Ah, you ask why I’m good at dealing with you? Well, to be honest, it’s hard…sometimes I really do want to run away, some of the stuff you keep in your tanks are really scary. …Okay, okay, I get it, I won’t speak badly about your “friends” anymore, but please, don’t make me look at them unnecessarily? Well, back on topic, I suppose Anzu-chan is rather shy—I can tell you when I want you to stop talking, but she’s really polite, so she just looks very uncomfortable before someone butts in for her~

…What?

You say she’s not like that at all? … I don’t think so, I’m an expert on girls. She’s that type of person.

…Well, it’s true she avoids me, so I suppose I don’t see every side of her. But still, she’s a cute girl, and I’d like to protect her, you know?

Hey, you’re really saying some outrageous stuff right now. Saying she doesn’t need to be protected—sure, Anzu-chan is a hard worker, and she’s survived in this hellhole of a school—but she’s still a girl, you know? And this school is full of mean wolves~ That’s what men are.

Aha, true. Including myself, but I know what men are capable of~ So I strive to be a man who wouldn’t hurt any girl out there. I suppose you too…you’re really an enigma though, so I don’t really consider you a threat when it comes to Anzu-chan.

Saying that Anzu-chan doesn’t need to be protected the way I want to protect her… what do you mean?

It’s her own choice? And it’s the same for every other girl out there? …But they don’t know what they’re getting into, when they end up looking at bad men. Girls like Anzu-chan—I’m really worried about them the most, actually. She’s too kind, always willing to do things for the sake of others. I’ll protect them. I’ll make sure they know what they’re worth.

…You’re asking if something happened to me to make me think this way? Don’t try to pry into my life. It has nothing to do with this. I just don’t want her to feel trapped.

Don’t assume things. I’m not hiding anything, you’re being a real pain right now, you know?

…

I really can’t stand people worrying over me, so can we just move onto another topic? I’m getting in a bad mood, and I might end up storming out uncharacteristically if you keep trying to push this subject~

…You can make that face all you want, but I won’t talk about this anymore. Knowing when to give up is a skill, Kanata-kun. I’ve already said too much. It’s really a pain how easily you get me to talk about things I don’t want to talk about.

Look, I appreciate that you are feeling concerned. But it’s unnecessary. Suppose I really did have a problem—it’s not like you could fix it. Hm~ this conversation is really awkward now, isn’t it? I’d have to say it’s your fault, Kanata-kun, for being so nosy. But at the same time, I don’t really want to leave just yet. Even if the sun is coming down.

I’d rather stay here and be bugged by you a little longer. Talking to you feels like my worries are getting swept away by the tide. Hm, this might be your talent, becoming one with the sea~

Well, I’ve always liked the sea. It always seemed so wide and endless to me. An infinite realm of possibilities—I sometimes dream about drifting away on the current and running away from my responsibilities. A little immature, right? But I like those dreams—I feel so free.

So—I’ll endure talking to you for just a bit longer, to kill some time. Come on out of the fountain—it’s getting late, and you’ll seriously get sick at this rate. I’ll talk until your clothes dry, and maybe when you decide to open up, because I think I deserve to know something about you after you tricked me out of so much information about my own life.

It’s funny how I’ve talked and talked for so long—really, I don’t know why I came to see you. My date was cancelled because something came up for her, added to the fact I was frustrated about something, and seeing you act so carefree as usual—it was enviable. Of course, I’m probably being unreasonable, because even Kanata-kun has things that worry him, right? But before I knew it, I was at the fountain to visit you, and Souma-kun was yelling rude things at me again.

Thanks for chasing him off, but sometimes I wonder why you treat him so harshly. Really, his words don’t hurt me that much, I’ve heard much worse.

Oh, it’s not only for my sake? It’s because he was being annoying? Well, I agree that I can’t really stand people like him in general… but because that guy is so over the top, it’s a bit fun to mess around with people like him.

You’re calling that cruel? When you dunk him in the fountain regularly? Ah, Kanata-kun, you’re a funny one. It must be why I like you so much.

…

Hey, quit it with that strange look. It’s rare for me to say this about a guy but—I guess that’s the truth of it. Really, if I were to be honest, it was a slip of the tongue. You always make me say things I don’t mean to say. It’s unnerving, and weird, but despite that I still want to see you.

I don’t know if I could call us close—it’s rare that we talk like this, right? And you never feel like you’re fully there. It’s as if you’re listening from the bottom of the ocean, in your own little bubble, completely oblivious to what my world is like. But then you always end up surprising me—a big, wet, sloppy surprise.

Hey, that wasn’t an invitation to stroke my head. I don’t really like being touched like that out of the blue, you know? You’re still wet, too. So not now, it’s freezing and I don’t want to get sick, I have an important date tomorrow.  But I’ll admit that sometimes—if it’s Kanata-kun, I feel like it’s okay to feel good being around a guy.

You’re saying I looked sad when I said that….? You don’t have to worry so much. I don’t know how to feel when you make a fuss over me. It’s comforting in some ways, but at same time, that kindness isn’t the kind of kindness I want. I want a cute girl to tell me she likes me, loves me unconditionally; and that she’ll always be there for me, no matter what happens. A girl like Anzu-chan would be perfect actually—but I feel like that’s not what I want from her. Or anyone I’ve met so far, really. It’s just a pipe dream, huh? I like all the girls I go on dates with, I like Anzu-chan, but realistically, I think I want too much from them that I don’t want to make them uncomfortable with, so in the end, I can’t really seriously experience a wholesome love like those in the romance novels~

…No, I wouldn’t say I’m scared of getting hurt. It’s true that I don’t want to be disliked—but that kind of depressing reason for not letting people get close is for people like Sakuma-san who don’t know how to evaluate their own and others’ emotions. I’d like to say that I am pretty good at gauging what others think about me~

Hm, what you think about me? Mmm…. this isn’t very fair, you know? You’re the kind of person who is so shrouded in mystery, sometimes I wonder if you didn’t just fall from the skies. Or crawl out of the ocean, in your case. Really, you’re so hard to read…

Well, if Kanata-kun is so invested in me, then I suppose you consider me a friend~ You’re not the kind of person who pities others and sees them as charity cases, so I guess you have some genuine interest in me, do you?  

Aha, I was right? Lucky guess~ I wasn’t joking when I said you’re hard to read.

Oh, your clothes are almost dry? Hmm… well, I guess our little chat will be ending soon.

…

Why are you looking at me like that? Did it show on my face? Am I that pitiful? …Truth be told, I don’t want to go home. But I don’t want Kanata-kun to worry over me, so please pretend you never heard that~

Oi, don’t hug people out of the blue like that, but since I’m feeling a little down, I’ll accept it for today. I don’t like seeing people worry about me. But once in a while, being taken care of feels really nice.

Aha, why did I ever think you were laid back? Your face says everything. Don’t crease your eyebrows like that, it doesn’t suit you. I’m going to have nightmares of this serious looking Kanata-kun if you don’t stop that.

I guess actions speak a lot louder than words~ I thought I was envious of your lifestyle at first—you looking as if you had not a care in the world, just floating in the water, with no expectations from anyone. But it’s lonely, isn’t it? Becoming so carefree that you drift away from the rest of the world, and no one understands you anymore. And I was one of those people—but you still worry over me. You can’t leave me alone, can you? Because I too, admire the ocean and it’s independence, and you’re worried that I’ll end up drifting away from everyone like you, right?  

Haha, no worries. It’s cute that you’re worried over me losing sight of what’s important, but I’m not a strange, deep sea creature loving guy like you. Rather, I love—

Kanata-kun? Where are you going?

…

You idiot, running back to the fountain like that…you’ll get sick like this, you know? You’re not invincible. Plus, you’re not really a fish. You won’t dry out just because you’ve been away from the water for an hour or so.

…I did say I’d go when your clothes were dried, but that wasn’t an invitation for you to wet yourself again! Sheesh, you’re such a handful… here, take off your blazer. Put mine over your shoulders so you don’t get cold.

Hey, don’t make fun of me. I didn’t look lonely, okay? Such a pain…

But whatever. I really don’t want to leave just yet, so you’re forgiven, as long as you don’t get sick, okay? So make sure you tell me if you’re still cold.

Hm? You like how refreshingly honest I am? Well, I don’t know about that~ I’d say someone like Kanata-kun who uses brute force through everything is more of an honest guy. But thanks—I usually try to say what’s on my mind.

Ah, I wish we could talk like this forever. I’m running out of things to say, and the clock keeps ticking on. My phone is off right now, but I imagine that old fart is calling me furiously. But I want this moment to last just a little longer—just a little longer that I don’t have to come back to face reality. I wish for once that I could be swept up into that fantasy of yours—with all those sea creatures and stuff. Because even those things with hundreds of teeth are much less scary than thinking about the future.

I’m sounding so weak—it’s a good thing Anzu-chan isn’t here to see this side of me. I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I want to be someone that she and all the other girls can be proud of. You too, you know. It’s pretty irritating being called that club with its irresponsible members, right?

…

You’re proud of me? For what?

…

For telling you all this…? What a dumb reason. Leaving my burdens on someone else… I always do this. It’s shameful.

Admitting your weakness is a strength… I never thought of it that way. But I still don’t like it.

Hmph. Well, we can sit on this bench all night, if your folks don’t need you back early. There’s not much stargazing to do really, considering how bright this city is. I really don’t have much to talk about anymore, I’m burned out.

You want to see the ocean with me?

Well, I guess we have nothing better to do. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth at this moment if you wanted. Lead the way, I suppose.

That makes you happy…? What a weird guy you are. But I guess we’re both weird, because I felt a little happy just now too.

I guess that’s why I like you so much.

 


End file.
